In a rare, exclusive interview with podcast personality @WillRogers2000, President Donald J. Trump admits that he's actively trying to get fired. And it's not working!
"I've gone bankrupt, believe me. I've caused people to quit my companies. Tons of people. The best people...but I've never been fired before, so I'm trying everything. Thankfully, I've got a lot of ideas."
The recently inaugurated president has been a polarizing figure, with many calling for his impeachment, while still others hold him up as an icon for the disenfranchised. According to Trump, however, he never expected it to get this far.
"I have tremendous respect for this country, but I also never wanted to actually win, so the other day I tucked Page 1 of The Constitution into my shirt at dinner and used it as a napkin. I thought that would do it for sure. Paul Ryan actually pointed out some mashed potatoes I had on my chin, and watched me use the 1st Amendment to wipe it off!"
Trump explained that one night while his intelligence staff were "yammering away," he caught an episode of Seinfeld on TBS where George Costanza tries to get fired from the Yankees.
Trump says he's not after the possible severance pay, he just finds the job too taxing. Still, he says he's not a quitter, and that he'd prefer to handle this the same way he's ended numerous previous endeavors: by doing a horrible job until people stop him.
"I walked into a meeting fully nude last night, but Mitch McConnell stared me in the eyes and took his clothes off too. It was horrible!"
@WillRogers2000 wishes President Donald J. Trump the best of luck.