There's something wrong with creative people. I'm sitting in my office right now, ostensibly because I planned to write tonight. Every day for the past 25 years (exaggeration), I've had a million ideas bouncing around my skull. Now I can't seem to think of a single one.
On any other night I'd be in bed, trying to sleep. And failing.
I hate going to sleep. I always feel like there's something better I could be doing.
And so usually I try to invent a story. It's easy. One minute I'll be telling myself a story about anything (You get to heaven and it's filled with Nazis, what happens?), and then the next minute I'm waking up in the morning. It's simple.
Over time I take these stupid, simple, one-sentence stories and try to expand them into a full narrative (I know what happens with the Nazis in heaven, by the way). It happens over the course of my day or week. I tell myself I need to remember to write it down. I never do. And so, invariably, I find myself planning a night of writing, only to sit in front of two monitors, a keyboard, an iPad, a notebook, and a pen, having no use for any of them.
There's so much I want to do.
I want to do everything.
I want to write a TV show, I want to make a movie, I want to write a novel, I want to stage a play, a one man show, I want to make comic books, record a radio play, have a podcast, a book of short stories. I'm full of content, don't you see? It's bursting out of me!
So where the fuck is it now?
Why am I sitting here writing about how I have nothing to write about?
There's something wrong with creative people. I see it all the time.
People with mindless grins on their faces tell me about how they want me to write a movie with them. They come to me a week later with an idea for a series of videos. We should write sketches together. Today I'm writing scripts for a TV show I came up with!
Make up your fucking mind!
If your aspiration is to do everything, then great! You still need to start with a singular goal, though. I constantly see people with a bucket of aspiration, but no drop of sweat. It's irritating.
What are you working on?
What are you making? Why are you talking about 5 million random projects when I've never seen evidence of anything created?
It's a pain in the ass. I do the same thing. I tell myself I don't.
It's a lot of fun to create an idea, but not fun to slog through the work the idea requires.
I want to write a TV show. That's what I want to do. Why do I have to write a million bullshit letters and send them out to agents?
I don't want to write letters, I want to write a TV show! Someone give me a TV show!
My laser is too broad right now, I need to narrow it down.
I'm annoyed. Maybe it's a writer's block night. Maybe that's it.
Maybe I'm just lazy.
For the past few weeks I've been in a creative hot-spot. I've performed stand-up comedy on Wednesdays, recorded the podcast on Thursdays, edited the show on the weekends, and I even got a little job in a murder mystery theater playing a character from 80's and 90's sitcoms (I don't want to talk about it). I've been off that schedule for ONE WEEK and I feel lost. I want to talk! I want to generate content! I want to make something or do something! I want to do it so much that it makes me so frustrated that all I can do is sit in a chair and think about how much I want to do all of it!
Why isn't anyone breaking down my door begging to hear my thoughts on something? I'm furious at you.
I want you focused on me right now. I'll perform. And the minute I start performing, I'll be uncomfortable with the attention.
There's something wrong with me.