This Week On Reddit - September 8th through the 14th!

Welcome to the very first installment of This Week On Reddit, where I boldly journey to the nether reaches of Reddit to find stupid things! Let's get right to it, because Battlestar Galactica isn't going to watch itself. Our friends over at http://www.gosphynx.com/ have put a few seasonal sweaters on their frightening hairless cats in support of the First Annual Cat Video contest. For more information on how to acquire a scary looking hairless cat monster, solve that weird metal box puzzle from the 80’s horror movie Hell Raiser and let the hilarity ensue. Now, while thousands initially showed up for the screening internet-wide voting officially closed on September 7th. If you're upset you missed it, don't worry; you also didn’t have to go to the Annual Cat Video Film Festival. Fair spoiler alert warning: googling anything on this contest leads to an endless rabbit hole of cat videos culminating in scary pictures of 45 year old boy scouts.

Just wanted to let you all know about this picture of a little polar bear baby, which of courses made me happy.

A huge win for South Korea this week! Wired uk writes here about the growing problem Creationism is posing to South Korean schools. In a wonderful victory for science and logic, a panel of experts deemed evolution completely viable and teachable for their school system, in turn publicly telling Kirk Cameron to fuck off. I wonder why there haven't been more evangelists traveling the world and spreading the word of Kim Jong Il or his father Kim Il-Sung. Oh, right- it's because they're not allowed to leave their country. Well played North Korea.

One friendly genius posed a simple question which can be found here. Why don't all televisions have buttons which make the remote beep? Well, it makes sense that the only place a remote could really go is in your hand or under the couch. I guess you could find it in a fridge or a toilet, but who would want that? Don't try and wrap your brain around that sentence, America. Now, the real purpose for writing about this banal post comes just a dozen posts down.

beepbutton

I'm genuinely not sure how I should feel about this. Are these people siblings? Are all three of them victims of child abuse? What is a beep-button? Did dad beat you with a belt? Or is the beep-button your ass or something? Now I want a beep-button. :/

Let's see here... Ah, yes. Take a look at this and try and tell me JD doesn't have the weirdest hair line you've EVER seen.

Somewhere along the Technology route, TV's fattest asshole around, Jimmy Kimmel expressed some gripe about the minds of us young consumers. It was his claim, in the video which can be seen here that if we are given something that's supposed to be cool and sleek, we will assume it is without actually knowing why. He took to the streets with an Iphone 4s, claimed it to be the Iphone 5, and the hilarity ensued. He's the damnedest! Of course this sort of thing happens all the time, the most recent case being one where an average as average dude went to the streets of tourist central NYC and hired a fake paparazzi to follow him around. He fooled seemingly dozens of people in the short clip which you all can find by googling whatever the fuck I'm talking about. I would have watched the entirety of Jimmy Kimmel's stupid video, but I quickly realized no one cares about Jimmy Kimmel beyond his obvious health issues, so I decided to write this instead. Hi, Jimmy!

Over in Japan yesterday, the Wii U had some quick news! Now, this was all in Japanese, and I wanted to challenge myself, so the contents of the video I explain here are my best description of what I assume was said. So! It seems the basic console will ship for $299.99, will be 20x more powerful than the original funny white box from five years ago, and will require a blood sacrifice to initially register the device, which in turn will also void the warranty. No, I'm just kidding- this is Nintendo we're talking about, not Microsoft. Nerd humor!

Winding down this week's blood and gore, a government official was killed along with 10 other citizens in Lybia, but that's Lybia; what did you expect? Flowers? In Lybia? What a nice vacation location... in Lybia.

Something a little more unsettling has happened in Texas, this week. One redditer linked us to the article which you can find here which states that police, after having their cruiser backed into by a rogue pickup truck, emptied 41 rounds in to the driver's body. As the article points out, this means the officer would have to reload at least once while making sure the man got out of his truck? While there were no injuries to the passenger of the vehicle, eye-witness reports claim the police then sent a dog in to retrieve the driver, who was bitten on the neck and face in order to be dragged out of the cab. Now, at that point the corpse was handcuffed and the passenger of the truck had her phone confiscated which had detailed photos of the altercation. The photos were subsequently deleted before the phone was returned to her, and the coriner has yet to figure out what the hell could have caused this man to die! Spoiler alert: it was bullets.

That's all I have for this week's essay, and I am sure it couldn't end any sooner. In any case, humanity's survival rests in my TV's hands, and I must return to her. I'll leave you with this: As one funny Swedish redditer points out here there indeed is blood everywhere... mostly in our bodies, but still. That's amazing. Fuck you, Sweden. I wanted to think of that