A girl just shrieked in this coffee shop and cried.

I think it might be because she was the victim of one of those trick GIFs on the internet- you know the ones where you're instructed to focus very closely on an image only to have a scary zombie head jump out at you and make a loud noise. It's either that or she thought of ghosts or something scary. On to the point! It's halfway through July, and that means Christmas is fast approaching, and I pride myself on my gift-giving abilities! Have a witch friend? Get a few crystals or You Don't Know Jack. Don't know what to get a chef? Go to a grocery store for some peppers or a knife or something. Know someone who's afraid of red pandas? Don't buy a red panda. Japanese girl living on her own? BUY HER A RED PANDA.

Now, last year I was ready to flex my gift-giving muscle when I was struck down by a 23 year old girlfriend who still made a detailed christmas list and sent it to her friends and family. She also still called her mother "mommy," which was made even stranger given her teeny stature and my love for wearing diapers. I'm not saying we were both children, but call us young at heart and you've made a new friend. It's this man. He is young at heart. JUST LOOK AT THOSE BALLOONS WHY AM I SO FRIGHTENED.

I may not have made a Christmas list since I was eleven years old, which has instilled in me an apparent attention to detail when giving and receiving gifts. Maybe I should from now on, though. Perhaps it was my lack of a defined list which caused my gifts to range from a few books I already had and especially disliked to a few candybars and ear muffs.

So, without much more pontification, below is a detailed list of a few life goals for the year, as well as where I started and hope to be in the next five months. In the best of worlds, it will steer some of you in the right direction and provide a little insight for the coming winter.

Dear Santa, Not for lack of trying, but I haven't pooped since Thursday. It is now Monday. Please, why can't I poop? I love you.

xoxoxoxoxoxo Bobby

     Well, there you have it. Time to go pretend to be human in public!

WBKE: Episode 25: Fetishes and Comic Books

This week on WBKE, Bobby and I have a good long discussion of weird fetish videos that are allowed on YouTube because, technically speaking, they're not porn, and then we freak out about Superman and Batman for a while! It's a goddamn good show, so check it out and tell your friends!

Click here to listen from your browser!

Click here to go to the iTunes page for the show!

Or search for us on the FREE Apple/Android/Blackberry app Stitcher.

Also Apple has released their own iPhone/iPad app specifically for podcasts, so go download it, subscribe to us, and rate us!

Other than that, Bobby and I have even more of our bullshit for you this week:

Just a couple hours ago, I posted Part Three of Will and Bobby Wrote Something, which wraps up our explanation of our show The Dead Don't Walk and introduces a new show! Click here to read it!

And just this past Thursday, Bobby and I streamed our live show! We're not going to be editing it into a podcast, because a lot of it was visual, but click here to go watch it! You can even just leave it running in an alternate tab and listen to it, I guess!

You'll notice we've also set up an account for donations (click here)! If you'd like to donate some money to Bobby and myself, please know that 10% of every donation will go directly to the Save the Children charity, while the rest will be put toward future projects of ours!

We're also putting out an open call to get a third person to help us out! If you or a friend are interested (and capable of) helping Bobby and I get our recording equipment set up, edit the podcast, or have a fancy high tech camera, please get in touch with us at WillAndBobby@gmail.com, because as of write now it's just the two of us and there are a lot of things we want to write, shoot, edit, and put online!

So remember to Like our Facebook Page, follow us on Twitter (@WillAndBobby), and email WillAndBobby@gmail.com with any comments or questions. And go check out my girlfriend Allie's Etsy Store Color Bloc, Anthony Walker's Band Camp page, and the artist Charmaine Olivia's website!

Episode 26 next week!